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Satire: The Neighbourhood

Once upon a time there were two guys living next door to each other. The first one thought that the sun shone out of his butt. He did whatever he wanted without considering the feelings of the other person. He had loud parties all night long even though he knew the noise would bother his neighbour.

When the neighbour dared to complain, he threatened to punch his lights out. He was very offended because the other person didn't think that he should be allowed to do what he wanted. Instead of trying to work out a way in which they can live beside each other in harmony, he thinks it has to be his way or no way.

When someone else tried to find a solution but didn't find in the jerk's favour he dismissed them as being biased against him. He doesn't see how another person's way of living can have any validity. He is so arrogant he believes anyone who doesn't agree with him has to have something wrong with them.

He's never in the wrong, because if it's something he wants to do it has to be right. When the other guy insists on continuing to make trouble for him by complaining all the time he eventually decides that something has to be done. He can't believe how ungrateful that asshole is. He lets live next door to him, doesn't he realize what a privilege that is?

What he decides to do is go around to all the other neighbours and tell them his neighbour is a threat to all their freedom to have friends over. If they let him, he'll soon make it impossible for anybody to do anything without them having to make sure they're not going to get into trouble for doing it. Why they may not be able to mow their lawns without his permission.

Soon the other neighbour finds that nobody is talking to him anymore and that people who used to be friendly to him are giving him dirty looks. One day somebody throws a rock through his window. He sees who did it and calls the police and has the person charged with vandalism.

"There, you see", says the asshole, " I told you he'd get you all in trouble". Everybody stands around and listens; nodding their heads in agreement. When one of them happens to point out that the person who had gotten in trouble had thrown a rock and caused property damage, everyone else asks him whose side is he on anyway?

The police soon get tired of coming to the neighbourhood in response to complaints about property damage. Finally they ask the neighbour what he did to make everyone so mad at him. When he says he didn't do anything except ask to be left alone and live quietly, they don't believe him and mark him down as a troublemaker. Soon they stop responding to his pleas for protection and help.

Finally he can't take it anymore and puts his house up for sale. But he has a hard time selling it because it has been so damaged. Finally his real estate agent tells him they have an offer for only about half the asking price. As it might be the only offer he is going to get he decides to accept it.

The offer is from his neighbour who started all the trouble in the first place. On the day he moves out, he hands the neighbour the keys to his new house and looks him in the eye and asks "Why"? The other man takes the keys, shrugs, and says, "Because I could"? He shrugged again, turned his back and walked away.

As he drove away everybody else came out on their front porches and breathed a sigh of relief. They were all safe again to do as they pleased with no one to threaten their freedom anymore. They all waved at the remaining neighbour and came out to help him move some of his possessions over to his new property.

From now on, he thought as he watched his neighbours troop over to help him, they know that I'll be here to keep them safe. It's a big responsibility protecting one's right to do as one pleases. He knew there would be others who would be a threat, heck they could be even be among those smiling at him now, to how he wanted to do things. But it didn't matter.

All that mattered was that he be prepared and vigilant enough that he's ready to tackle the next problem that came around. They were all counting on him and he wouldn't let them down.

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